Specialist. Specialize. Special.

4 months came and went and we were not pregnant, still. We were into our 23rd month of trying to have a baby without success and heading to a reproductive specialist. Did that mean I was special because now I needed to seek further treatment? Apparently so. Oh how I wish I weren't special in this kind of way.

The specialist is an hour drive, one way.  Again, like often times before, I wasn't sure what to expect.  Will he immediately get started or will we have to wait even longer? Will this be just a consultation?  E and I both wondered those very questions. I couldn't help but talk E's ear off on the way to see our doctor.  We wondered if the doctor would have to do all the testing over again? Hopefully not.

We finally got there and sat in his office and waited for them to call us back.  I examined the waiting room while we waited. There were baby magazines sitting on the coffee table in the middle of the room.  Other women were sitting in the waiting room with us as well.  Although I didn't know their exact situation, I shared their pain. I knew how it felt (and still do) to want something so badly that it hurt.  I sat in anguish for them.  It wasn't just me in the room, there were others.  That's when it hit me that I wasn't alone in this, but at the same time, I hated that I wasn't the only one going through infertility. I wouldn't wish the pain of infertility on anyone, ever.  It made me mad that others had to go through what E and I were.

When we got called back, the Doctor, Dr B took us back to his office, his nicely furnished office.  We sat and talked about our story and our conceiving problems. Ha. We had a problem that was unknown. We explained to him all the basics. It went something like this:  I'm 24. I have regular cycles that last 28-30 days. I've had an HSG which turned up normal. I have been on Clomid before for 3 months. I've never been pregnant. I don't drink, I don't smoke. I haven't had any surgeries. I don't have endometriosis. E explained his side too. Semen analysis was normal. He's never been kicked (hard) or had any surgeries. He's 23. So on and so forth. Everything was normal. He then started talking about options and gave me a to-do list.

Our options were to do a laparoscopy to see if they could find something that the ultrasound and HSG did not.  He said he really didn't think he'd find anything on it since I was so regular and didn't experience anything out of the ordinary. He said it was my decision and that he highly recommended it. I didn't have to make a decision right then and there, but to call him in the next day to let him know.  He then explained what we would do after the decision of a laparoscopy or not.  He said we'd do something called "super-ovulation". Sounds fun.  He said since we were military that our insurance wouldn't cover IUI (intrauterine insemination), which he would normally do with the super-ovulation.  Tricare only covers the super-ovulation part. The IUI is only a couple hundred dollars more, he explained.  We were like fish biting the bait.  We said that we would pay the couple hundred dollars to do the IUI.  Much to our surprise we wouldn't be able to do that. We would have to pay for the super-ovulation on top of IUI if we wanted to go that route. Our insurance wouldn't cover ANY of it if we choose IUI.  How much is that?  It is 2 grand. Wow. What a low blow. Here I thought we could maybe get away with doing IUI for a couple hundred dollars.  There was light at the end of the tunnel though. He said we could still do the super-ovulation without doing the IUI and have intercourse when he would do the IUI procedure.  Great, then that's what we'll do!

I inquired more about what super-ovulation entailed and he said that it would be for maturing the egg follicules and for the triggering of ovulation. He then said something about injecting. Wait, what? It's not just a pill I would have to take? No, not at all. Injections. Home injections at that. The voice in my head screamed. Jess, you're not a nurse! E's not a nurse! What are we going to do?! My nerves were shot, literally.

I left there with my list, and my head in a spin.  Over the next day I needed to get Naval Hospital to fax over all of our tests that we had taken and I needed to figure out if I wanted to do a laparoscopy. I was instructed to call them once I got all of it in order.

I called to make the laparoscopy appointment the very next day and was told they couldn't get me in until the first of the year. Wait, what?! That's 4 more months! I asked her if we could just do the super-ovulation without doing the lapraroscopy and she said that we could.  I really wasn't certain that I wanted to do the procedure anyway.  I had heard that it could do more damage then good and since Dr. B was so optimistic that nothing was wrong I wanted to move onward. I was tired of waiting.  I scheduled an appointment the very next week for E and I to be trained on administering injections. That word still scared me. I didn't like it one bit. 

~Jess