The next morning is when E was supposed to administer the pregnyl/hCG shot. I was so worried and he even said he didn't want to do it. He was scared just as much as I was (maybe a little more). Then, it dawned on me! I have a friend who is a nurse! Maybe she'll help me! I quickly called up S and asked her if she'd do the duty of giving me a shot in my butt. We laughed about it, but she agreed. E and I were so relieved!
I woke up that morning to head over to S' house. I took the vials of Pregnyl in. She mixed the meds with the solvent vial and drew back 2 CCs. It was quick and painless. Well, later it was sore, but I could deal with that! Knowing someone who has done shots a million times before giving me a shot AND I did't have to look, that was amazing!
I spent that next afternoon wondering if I was ovulating. Then, it hit me, around dinner time I started cramping. It was ovulation time! Shortly after I noticed, we headed to the bedroom and had intercourse that evening and the next day, as instructed (sorry if your family haha). I was certain this was going to work! I was so optimistic, as was E.
We spent the next two weeks wondering if I was pregnant. Every day passed extremely slow. That two week wait is one of the worst waits ever. I knew if I tested I'd see a positive result due to the shots. I went and bought $1 pregnancy tests so I could watch the medication leave my system and see if I would get a positive a little later down the line. A week after the shot, I was still getting a false positive, which meant the Pregnyl was still in my system. I had to take another Pregnyl shot that day as well. I thought, okay, this stuff will stay in my system another week, so I don't even know why I'm testing, but I continued. I thought it would be a neat process to see and if I were in fact pregnant I would know for sure in seven days. I would either still be getting a positive pregnancy test or I would get my period. I tested for the next three days after my second, lower dose, of Pregnyl. Negative. One pink line. One pink line the next day and the next day. I wasn't pregnant.
My period came. It was the worst period of my life. I knew the pain was due to the meds making me "super-ovulate". I was in tears. I don't cry like I cried over this period. I just don't. It's something that I just deal with. When I say it was the worst, I mean it was the worst. E just held me. He didn't know what to do. Poor guy, he rubbed my back, held my hand and tried to comfort me. I was a mess, physically and emotionally. I was in pain and I couldn't understand why I had to go through this. Why couldn't I get pregnant? Why do we have to go through this whole process? Why do I have to go another round injecting myself? Why can't we have a baby? Why, when all we ever wanted was our own bundle of joy, we just couldn't? Why is this journey so long and so rough? Why is God doing this to us? Why!?!
I don't have an answer to those questions, and I probably never will. I just sat and cried. All I could do was cry. I didn't know what to do. We had done everything we were told to do, so why didn't it work? That "why" question wouldn't stay out of my head. I had to roll with the punches. I had to pick myself up again and keep going. I couldn't dwell on the why, I couldn't dwell on the unknown. I couldn't give up. I wouldn't give up.
I called the doctor to let them know that I had started, it was a Sunday. They always instruct me to leave a message because they check the machines often (they have patients 7 days of week but only say they're open 5). They didn't call me back until Monday. They wanted to see me on day 3 of my cycle instead of day 2 like the previous time. I agreed to see them Tuesday morning.
Month 26. We were entering into month 26.
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