Something is Missing.

As my news feed on Facebook overflows with pregnancy announcements, pregnancy week-to-week pictures, gender reveals, pregnancy complaints, births, baby pictures, growing children albums, and complaints about children it makes me wonder about my own future. I get excited thinking about it, but then I wonder when will it be our turn.  It can be a very disappointing thing to live month to month in hopes of a positive pregnancy result and only getting a negative over and over again. It's painful.

I was once asked by a friend who found out that she was pregnant by "accident" how I knew it was the "right time".  I told her that I felt like something was missing in our lives and that I had so much love in my heart that I wanted to give away. I told her that E was the same way.

You see, E is amazing with children. I have never seen a man so good with a baby in my entire life. He will make a great daddy for sure. The spark he gets when he is playing with a child is truly one of a kind.   It melts my heart.  Every time we see a child, whether an infant or a 10 year old, he is always smiling at them, cooing, waving, making eye contact, or even talking to them. Even if he's never said it, it's prominent, he has love in his heart that can only be given to a child. My heart breaks inside for not only myself, but for E as well, when I see only one pink line.

We are so excited to be able to prepare for a child, but when can we? Over the past 26 months we have had talks about names, types of diapers, multiples, number of children, genders, photographs, pregnancy, clothing style for a child, discipline, can's and cannot's, do's and don'ts, etc  We have talked about everything under the sun that has to do with having a baby. The only thing missing? The baby.

As each day goes by we sit and wonder and hope and dream about what our family will be like. Until then, we hold tight and pray. It's not the easiest thing to accept, an unknown diagnosis of infertility, but it's the love that we have in our hearts for one another, and for others, that keeps pushing us to keep trying. We want to fill the hole that is missing in our lives.

So, to my unborn baby; we loved you way before we knew you.

~Jess