Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Why Now?

As the holidays roll around I should be doing something like baking or cleaning perhaps, but to me, this blog is very important to me and to some of my readers. Some of you may be wondering why I am sharing something so personal with the whole world? Well, the answer to that is pretty simple. I don't want any one struggling with the same, or close to the same, issues as us to be alone.  Our infertility has been a rough journey to say the least, but being alone in a rough journey isn't fun, it just isn't right.

I had wrestled around with the thought of starting up this blog for a while. I wasn't sure what people would think or even what my family would think. Coming from a very conservative family and town, I wasn't sure how others would view me for sharing such a personal aspect in my life. I also thought about all of those people who have asked us about having babies, I just didn't want to offend anyone. I didn't want people to walk on egg-shells around me. I just wanted people to think I was normal and healthy. Maybe I was ashamed of having to go through this journey. As a woman, I should be able to carry a baby, the last thing I wanted was for people to look at me as a failure.

I had shared a little bit of our story with a few people on a USMC support board that I have been a part of for quite some time.  I knew some of the girls had gone through some similar stuff, so I was just reaching out for some much needed support.  One day I had received a text from a good friend, B.  She is on the board and had seen my story. She said that she didn't know we were going through infertility and wanted to talk to me about some of the stuff she was going through. It warmed my heart to know she could come to me and confide in me.  That very next day I decided I wanted to follow through with creating a blog.  I talked to E about it first and he was all-in also.

My reasoning behind the blog is to reach out to others. I have learned that I cannot be afraid to share my story because someone somewhere is going through the exact same thing. I shouldn't worry about what other people think because in reality, they're not the ones living this life.

I, of all people, know how hard it can be to be alone in an infertility struggle. Of course, E was and always has been by my side through all of it, but he doesn't get it to it's fullest. Of course he's sad and upset that we have to go through it, but he's not taking injections, or putting crazy hormones inside his body, and he's not a woman who has an empty womb and motherly instincts.  I went through the first year of infertility with no one. I didn't understand what was going on and my loneliness was getting the best of me.  I met M after that first year and she had dealt with some issues of her own so she had some pointers for me. We instantly bonded and have been friends since.

I want to be able to be that person that shows others that it is okay to be human. It's okay to feel the very emotions that you feel when you cannot get pregnant. M inspired me to be there for others, like she was and still is there for me. I everyone who reads this and needs someone to vent to or cry or whatever to know that I am here. That I will not let you be alone on your journey.

~Jess

No comments:

Post a Comment