We sat down in Dr. D's office and started to talk about the results of every test we had taken thus far. He said everything was normal with both E and I. My hormone levels were perfect, his semen-analysis exceeded expectations, my ultrasound looked good and the HSG showed that both fallopian tubes were fine. He also mentioned that he knew I was ovulating since my periods were very normal. He talked to us about Clomid and he also talked about getting to a reproductive specialist out in town. He said we could go either way or we could try both. We opted for the latter and took both. I asked him how many cycles I'd be going through with the clomid and he said 3. He explained that many doctors will put their patients on it for about 6 months, but he believed if it wasn't going to work within three, then what's the since of going six, especially when I ovulated on my own? Great point. He also diagnosed us as having primary infertility. It's a diagnosis simply meaning we had never been pregnant before and we haven't been able to get pregnant in over a year. He sent us on our way with the clomid, but I wasn't supposed to take it until days 5-9 of my cycle and supposed to have intercourse days 10, 12, 14-17. What did that mean? It meant I had to wait for my period to start yet again. There goes one more month.
16 months pass and now I am starting clomid. Wow was I evil. It made me so mean! I kept telling E how sorry I was. Every day for about a week I was extremely hateful. I wasn't myself. I hated that I had to have these drugs and I really didn't understand the means to taking them. Clomid would make me ovulate. If I had a period every month then I ovulated, right? Right. I didn't understand, but had high hopes of finally getting pregnant. Dr. D seemed so optimistic and in turn I was too.
Each month of taking clomid I really thought that I was pregnant. I would text M, my best friend, and tell her my side effects. I had heightened sense of smell, I was mean, I felt sick, my back hurt, I was breaking out, and I felt bloated. Wow, sounds like pregnancy to me! I spent countless nights up on the computer reading about clomid and success stories. I read about how I would feel if I were to get pregnant and followed the timeline with others with my own timeline. I got to 9 days past ovulation and tested. Negative. 12 days past ovulation, negative. 13 days past ovulation, negative. Then my period would come.
3 cycles on clomid came and went. Here we were, month 19 and nothing at all was happening. The only thing that was happening was me being extremely evil for seven days out of the week (and that's not including PMS) and then me feeling like I was pregnant to only be let down when mother nature made her call. I was devastated.
When I got my referral to a specialist out in town I was taken back. "Georgia Center for Reproductive Medicine". Wow, the name of it even scared me. It's then when it really sank in that something was wrong and we needed to get to the bottom of it. I called to make the appointment when my clomid cycles were over and to much surprise they couldn't get me in right away. I had to wait 4 more months. Why was I even surprised at this point?
The waiting game was calling my name. I tried to put a positive spin on it and just tell myself that it was 4 more months of trying and that maybe we could have a baby without the assistance of any medication or any doctor telling us what to do, how to do it, or when to do it.
I was wrong.
~Jess
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