Just the beginning.

The medication arrived on my front porch the very next day after the doctor prescribed it.  I opened the well packaged, refrigerated box and started to look through the contents.  Seeing the syringes and the vials made me cringe.  The reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm really going to be doing this- I'm seriously going to be injecting myself!  I put the contents in the fridge and examined the pen that I'd be using for the Follistim AQ. Looking it over, it looked easy, but I knew I had to ask the doctor some questions about it before starting.

I waited for a couple more weeks for mother nature to come. When she made her arrival, I called the doctor to make my appointment. They instructed me to come in the very next day. I wasn't sure what to expect. I knew that they would be monitoring me, but I didn't understand the exact details.  

I went to the doctor the next day and when they called me back into the exam room they instructed me to "empty my bladder and get undressed from the waste down".  Okay, simple? Right? Well, I was on my period so I didn't know if I should remove the tampon or what, I was slightly embarrassed when the doctor came in and instructed me to do so.  Looking back, it makes since, but geesh was I embarrassed beyond belief.  He came back in with another guy wearing a white coat, the technician, followed by a nurse.  I had never seen the tech before so I was even more embarrassed. They were going to be doing a trans-vaginal ultrasound. It freaked me out. I was on my period!

They did the exam, he measured some stuff as he shouted out numbers to the nurse who was recording them in my chart. Dr. B told the tech to make sure he got good readings on me since I didn't have the laproscopy procedure.  He made sure he got all of what he needed and the wand was painful every time he'd go to my left side. It was uncomfortable in more then one way. I wasn't thrilled with how the exam went. They didn't explain anything to me and I felt like a caged animal not knowing what was going on.  After the exam they instructed me to come to the office after I got dressed.

I headed to the office.  He told me that everything was "on track" and that he wanted to start me on a "baby dose" since I ovulate on my own and everything looked "great" and "normal". He didn't want to get me "too many mature follicles .  He seemed very optimistic. He started me on 50 IUIs of follistim between 5pm and 8 pm for the next couple days.  He said the next time I came in my period would be over. I was thinking yeah right. My period last almost a week and he wanted me back in on day 5 of my cycle (3 days later).  The nurse started checking me out and that's when I inquired on the "how to" about the follistim pen. She explained it to me and I was still very scared about doing it wrong. I was so terrified to stick a needle into my stomach.

I left the office and headed back home (an hour drive). On the drive I called E, M, and my mom to let them know what was going on.  They were excited for us to be able to take the next step leap. I was excited too.  I was scared, but excited!  Here we go, maybe month 25 will be the magic month?!

I finally made it home and checked the clock. It was 11am. Okay, I have over 6 hours to prepare for the injections. The clock ticked  by and I was hoping E would come home before I had to administer the shot. 545pm is when I decided on taking the injections. E was held up at work.  I texted M and let her know how nervous I was, she made me feel so much better and put a smile on my face. She told me to "make a horror movie out of it"!  Ha!

It was 515pm, I started reading over the instructions, word for word. If you know me, I never read instructions. I was concentrating and trying my best to not miss anything.  Meanwhile, my phone on the counter, started buzzing and buzzing...and buzzing. They were only texts but it was freaking me out! I was a nervous, shaky wreck. I followed each step; swabbed the crap out of everything with alcohol, put the vial of follistim in the pen, put a new needle on, clicked the dial once to see a drop, clicked the dial to 50, rubbed my skin with alcohol, pinched an amount of skin with my fingers under my belly button, took a huge deep breath, inserted the needle at a 90 degree angle to my body, pushed the dial until it ended on zero, counted to five, removed the needle, put pressure on the injection site with alcohol, and put the needle in my sharps container. It was over! Or was it? My ears started getting hot, I was dizzy. I felt like I was going to pass out! I apparently am very scared of needles. I didn't know how large my fear was until I was done. I took a seat and tried to wrap my head around what had just happened. I injected myself! I did my happy dance in my head and made a sigh of relief. Whew! It was over....well, not really, it had just begun.