Is this real?

I'm not sure where to even begin, so I will just jump right into it...

Monday May 3rd, transfer day.

Leading up to this day my husband was diagnosed with a horrible case of diverticulitis and was hospitalized.  They were hoping to get him out of there by the time I had to make the 5 hour road trip to Spokane, but it wasn't looking like it was going to happen. Working for the VA, I have lots of contacts and know most of the doctors. I spoke with the doc assigned to his case and he just said, "I just don't know if we can get him out of here in time, Jess. And even if he does, I'm not sure he needs to be traveling". He knew how broken hearted I was and just said he would pray for us. My mom caught wind of what was going on, after I broke down about not knowing what I was going to do with M and how I was going to make it to Spokane by myself and back. You see, I couldn't drive after the procedure and I certainly couldn't have my son there. I scrambled to make arrangements with a few friends (we don't have much family around), then my mom decided she would come in to help with our 3 year old and my friend agreed to make the trip with me from Montana to Washington. I visited Chad in the hospital that Sunday and told the nurse, "think he can get out of here by tonight so we can make a baby tomorrow?" She looked at me puzzled but didn't skip a beat when she said, "I mean, I can give you guys 10 minutes."  I literally laughed so hard and said, "too bad it's not that easy" and went on to explain what was going on. We all had a good laugh out of that. I left Chad that day and we were both in shambles. It meant so much for him to be there for me. Even if he couldn't be there to hold my hand, he could be in the parking lot waiting for me. He knew I was in good hands with my friend, but he was also broken hearted. It was rough.

I left the hospital and I went to pick my friend up at her house. I jokingly told her husband I would get her for child support when all of this worked out. We had a great time. We laughed and chatted about lots of things. Looking back on it, I truly think it was such a good distraction and helped me relax so much more just being around her and laughing. The reality of the situation escaped me because we were having a good time not loafing in my fertility problems. It was more of a girl's trip than a doctor visit. She drove me to and from the doctor and was a saint. I am so thankful for her. As the saying goes, "it takes a village", and that's the truth.

I was able to video chat with my husband during the procedure, which is always nice given the situation and the covid precautions. We were transferring our very last embryo. I went in with a full bladder, as instructed. They took a look and asked me to relieve myself by 2 cups because the doctor was running a few minutes behind. Here we go again, how in the heck can I do this? I did it and went back into the office...small victories!! Dr. H was optimistic and liked the way my lining looked this time around better than last time. They showed the embryo to me under the microscope and gave me a photo of it. The embryoligist handed a catheter to the doctor with my little embryo in it. She guided it into my uterus and implanted it. She gave me a pat on the leg and said she was hopeful for this one. We took a photo and I told her I hoped I didn't have to come back. I gave her an "O-H" (she is a fellow buckeye fan), she gave me an "I-O", we laughed and hugged and said goodbye to one another. I walked outside to where my friend was waiting and we headed out to the hotel so I could relax. It was nice, I didn't have a toddler to worry about, just me and my little embryo. I was pregnant until proven otherwise.

We headed back to Montana the next day. This is where the hard part starts. The wait. The "dreaded 2 week wait". I had an hcg test scheduled May 12 and another on the 14th. 9 days couldn't have gone by any slower than those days did. I promised myself I wouldn't take an early pregnancy test like I did last time (you can detect a pregnancy at home as early as 4 days past transfer). Testing early could provide false hope or even bring you to your lowest if you see a stark negative.

May 12th beta HCG day. Am I pregnant?
Here we go. I went to the VA to get my labs drawn. This is where my GYN/boss comes into play. He ordered my labs for me, therefore he knows them before anyone. His office is literally right beside where I work, but he was off that day. That didn't stop us. He logged in from home and messaged me right away. My number was 171! It was substantially higher than my first round (ended in a chemical msicarruage) number! I walked over to where my husband was (he works in a different department there). We cried together. We were optimistic, but still very guarded and didn't tell many.

May 14th second beta HCG day. This was the day we fell last time.

For a second beta test you want your number to at least double. If it doesn't, the pregnancy is not viable. This is what happened last time, and it was terrible. I went through the same routine of my blood draw. My boss was off this day also, but I knew it wouldn't stop him. Sure enough, he called me while I was working. At first, I thought he had terrible news as the inflection in his voice wasn't of excitement. He then went on to say "okay. I'm about to pull up your labs are you ready?!" He hadn't even  looked yet! Remember, this guy is an integral part in this journey and, as far as, I'm concerned he is part of my family and in this adventure with us. He read the results in an excited voice, "475, Jess!!!!!". I heard him get so excited he was stuttering and emotional! I was in shock. I was really pregnant!!!! My numbers more than doubled and it was a great sign for a viable pregnancy. He went on to explain some pregnancy stuff to me, as my provider and instructed me celebrate that weekend. I walked over to Chad where he was anxiously awaiting the news. He saw me coming and I could tell he was super nervous. I told him the number and he was floored! We cried and hugged. It was a moment to remember. I then faxed the results to my RE at the Fertility clinic and they called to congratulate me and go over some next steps.

The next steps were to get a 7 week ultrasound and establish care with an OB in the community (non VA). I called the best OB in town (experienced with IVF) and they said they'd look at my records and let me know if they would take me. I knew she wasn't taking many new patients so I wasn't sure if I'd get in with her or not, but it didn't take them long to let me know that they would take me. I was excited! They did go on to tell me that if something happened in the meantime that they couldn't see me, that the clinic in Spokane would be responsible for me. Okay, but nothing is going to happen....

In the days after, I noticed my husband not being as excited as I was. I confronted him about it and he explained that he had his wall up and was very scared. I truly understood, but I told him I needed more support than that to cause as less stress on me as possible. He agreed and his attitude started getting better.

The next day (Friday 5/21) he surprised me after work with dinner and 2 dozen roses. His mom was in town and agreed to watch our son. He said he wanted to celebrate our pregnancy and took me to a place I had been asking to go to. It was fancy and he had dressed up and made reservations. It was awesome. While eating dinner, his crown off of his front tooth popped off and shattered (he has fake teeth due to a roadside bomb in Iraq). He was embarrassed and in pain. I called the dentist and they said they could get him in first thing on Saturday. We went straight home. I felt so bad for him, but we always say that we can't do anything without a story. He got his tooth fixed that next morning and we had plans to relax throughout the weekend.

Sunday May 22.

We had a day of relaxing, the weather was horrible and it was snowing outside so we decided to take it easy. I was exhausted and even napped on the couch. My sister in law called me to check on me (our families knew right away- more on that later). I told her I was okay, but seemed to be a little nauseous. After I got off the phone with her, I noticed a wet feeling. I went to the restroom and my underwear had brown blood on them. Of course, I immediately freaked out and because I'm hypersensitive to everything in my body, I noticed my body was aching and cramps were starting. It felt like my period was about to start. I was terrified. I called my boss and he told me it was normal to spot during pregnancy.  I went to the restroom and started bleeding like crazy. I called my husband in and his face was pale. Obviously both of us very worried. I called my boss again. He advised me to go to the ER. I called the clinic and got the on call doc. He wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine when he said "the ER won't do anything". I was going for more peace of mind. I was 5 weeks 4 days pregnant (with ivf you can't get that wrong). At this time I was bleeding pretty good with some clots here and there. I was traumatized and so so worried.

They put me in a hospital bed (not a GYN bed) and said they were going to do blood work and get an ultrasound on me. I worried the whole time. My cramps were better but I was still bleeding. My husband and I sat in silence most of the visit. I did research on my phone searching for any hope and praying it wasn't a miscarriage. He was on his phone too, and come to find out, he was busy researching too. When the ultrasound tech came in, it was obvious we were a bother and she had been called in. She rushed the ultrasound and said very little. The doctor came in about 45 minutes later to tell me that they couldn't find the gestational sac and that they were 98% sure that I was going through an active miscarriage. I asked my hcg level and was told 19,000. Of course, we were in absolute shambles. We left the ER and the bleeding stopped. I bled for 3 hours and then with old blood...

The next day we told our families what was going on and took the day off work. My boss took another hcg test. It went up, but not substantially. My clinic called me and told me that they were sorry and to quit my meds.

Tuesday May 24

I walked into work and my boss asked me about doing another hcg and an ultrasound. He wanted to "see for himself". I thought, what's the worse that can happen? So I agreed. We both went to the appointment, not expecting a whole lot. As soon as the ultrasound began, he said "hmmm". We both looked at him and asked what was up. He found the gestational sac! He then said "see that flicker?!". He found a heartbeat! At this point I wasn't even 6 weeks, so hearing a heartbeat would be tough. Our baby was in there! What a flood of emotions and disbelief. All 3 of us were excited, but had our jaws on the ground in shock. We all became cautiously optimistic. My hcg also rose to 23,000 and some change. Something was obviously growing in there. He told me to call my clinic immediately. I did and they instructed me to double my medications asap.

Apparently that evening my boss and Dr. H from my clinic got to talking to one another on their cell phones and she told him without his intuition this would have ended in a loss since I had stopped my meds. Everyone was floored. She then gave me a call and told me that he is a true hero and thank God for him and his gut feeling. No one could believe it.

So, here we are, with yet another story. This journey is emotional as it is, but let's add some of the worst loops on a Rollercoaster as possible. At one point I felt like I was hanging upside down on a loop waiting for someone to bring me back or let me go. I have no other way to explain it.

In the next couple weeks, I had another ultrasound at 7weeks 2days and saw the baby and heard the heartbeat. The heartbeat was 150bpm and baby E measure exactly on track. I couldn't even believe it. I'm pregnant!

Fast forward and we announced to the world on my birthday at 10w6d. Every ultrasound has been great and baby is measuring right on track with a strong heartbeat!

Telling our family each step of the way was crazy. I just kept saying, "welcome to our crazy ride". We didn't even want to tell them what was going on from the beginning, but with IVF and our situation of needing help, nothing is a surprise. That being said, we are going to have at least one surprise and it will be the gender. No one will find out the gender until this little babe is born in January!

Someone pinch me, is this real?!?!

Moving forward...

 

On February 2^nd we did something that I thought we would never get to do. We transferred an embryo to my uterus for the very first time! It was every bit of incredible. Unfortunately, my husband couldn’t be by my side, but we made do with a video call.

They instructed me to come with a full bladder, so I did. When I got there, I was so nervous. So, along with a full bladder and a bundle of nerves, I paced the waiting room floor. 

When they called me back the ultrasound tech looked and told me my bladder was too full. I was mortified. Weird, right? Well, she told me that I would have to pee just a little bit. A little bit?! What does that even mean?! She gave me a cup and told me not to surpass the line. I laughed and she told me she believed in me. I thought for sure I was just going to pee everywhere because I was so uncomfortable and needed to relieve myself so badly. Miraculously, I did it.

When I came back in the room, I was greeted by the doctor and she handed me a photo of the embryo that we would be transferring. The embryologist was also in the room. Then, they put the embryo on the screen in front of me and the embryologist said it was hatching! It looked much different then the photo and the embryologist said, “you don’t get any better than this one!”. I was amazed. They sucked it up in a catheter and I watched the ultrasound as the catheter went into the lining of my uterus. She burrowed into my uterus about 18.3mm. I had a monstrous lining, which was unheard of amongst my IVF support groups. It was 23.6mm and I was so grateful (most times thin linings are the issue). After she got it where she wanted, she brought the catheter out and the embryologist examined it to make sure the embryo came out. It had. The transfer had taken place. So with toe warmers in my socks and heated insoles (they say to keep your feet warm – it makes for a warm uterus), I got dressed and hurried to pee. The procedure took about 10 minutes. It was emotional and now I was pregnant until proven otherwise. I had an embryo in my uterus!

I walked outside, there my husband was waiting for me. We hugged and cried. We went back to the hotel and I took it easy for the next couple days.

Now the wait had started. I was hypersensitive to every little thing happening in my body. I would feel flutters and cramps, twinges, and nausea. As the days went by, I became more and more nervous. One night I had cramps so hard that I thought for sure I would be starting my period. I didn’t. 

I am actively involved in IVF support groups and lots of women start testing around 4 days past transfer and get a positive. They don’t necessarily like for you to test that soon, but a pregnancy test is a good indication on what the blood test might say.  I began testing on 4 days past transfer and it was a negative. I knew it was too soon, but it left an empty pit in my stomach. My husband didn’t know I could even test early because I wanted to surprise him. I tested two days later and got a positive. This was the first positive I have EVER seen in my life. I was elated and shaking at the sight of that second line! I quickly figured out a way to surprise C and he was over the moon! Cautiously, of course, but still happy. I tested again on day 8 and then again, the night before my blood test. I used a digital test the night before because digital tests require more HCG. It was positive. I was over-the-moon.

February 11^th came, and I got my blood results. 66 (anything over 5 is pregnant) and they were looking for over 50! My clinic called congratulating me. I was PREGNANT!! I was OVER THE MOON EXCITED. I couldn’t wait to start telling my family. The only family that knew that we transferred was my brother and sister-in-law, so they were expecting a call from me with my test results. I called and they were crying, as was I. This is something I’ve been trying to do for 11 years of my life. I was elated and in absolute SHOCK.

My clinic told me to keep taking my meds and we would check the HCG levels again in 4 days to make sure they were rising “accordingly”. I already knew what that meant because I have researched, and I have supporters who have been through this before. They wanted the number to double. I booked mine and Chad’s flights to Ohio to tell my family and we started planning how we were going to tell them. I bought embryo art so I could give them a photo of their fourth grandbaby that was on the way. We used the excuse of my husband being in between jobs to plan a visit. They had no idea. I was sure the second blood test would be doubled.

Over the next couple days, I was living on cloud nine. I was truly at the highest point of the tallest mountain. Before that first blood test, I refused to even believe that I was actually pregnant, so when the blood test came, I was elated.

Then. 

February 15^th came. It was the longest day of my life. I went in at 8am to do the blood draw. I didn’t get a call until almost 5pm. I was on edge all day long and emotional as can be. It seemed like it was a lifetime of waiting the unknown and just being scared. I kept going back and forth in my mind with both positive and very negative thoughts. I was over analyzing everything. At this point, I was 4 weeks pregnant and should be feeling some kind of way. I was not. I was just really tired and constantly hungry. The nurse called and told me the number of the blood test…it was only 73. It should have been at least 120. It was not. She called it “concerning”. I hurried off the phone and just cried. I knew this wasn’t going to be a viable pregnancy. I was asked to do another blood test in 2 days.

My poor husband didn’t know what to do. He was trying his best to be positive and hug and kiss me as much as possible, but that’s not what I wanted. I wanted the outcome to be different. I wanted to carry this baby to term. I was ANGRY. How is this even fair? He had some of the same concerns that I did. Everything had been so perfect with this process; how did this happen? How is the embryo not striving in my body. A body that we had been told is amazing and on track? Because - because it's my body and it's not perfect or amazing, I'm a failure. I profusely apologized to him, knowingly there wasn't one thing I could have done differently for a better outcome, yet I still felt responsible. All he wanted to do was fix it for me. I understood, but I also know that it’s not up to us - it's up to God. There wasn't one thing that anyone could say or do to make this go away. 

I prayed and I prayed hard in the days after I learned the bad news. I prayed for some miraculous turn around in hopes that my embryo would stick around. I cried and I cried. 

When Feb 17^th came, I was beginning to feel some peace. I cannot explain it. I guess I just know how to get kicked in the face and get back up again. It’s like the world is playing against me when it comes to infertility. I decided no matter the outcome, I needed to press forward and try again. Without trying again, we cannot move forward. If the door gets shut, then so be it, but at least we tried and we can't look back and say "what if". 

My results on the 17^th showed that my level dropped. Now it was 67. It went from 66 to 73 to 67. The pregnancy was not viable, resulting in a biochemical pregnancy, or an early miscarriage. Either way you look at it, it just wasn’t going to result in a live birth. 

While a biochemical pregnancy is very common, it wasn't common to me. I was told that this happens in a natural state to many women. Sometimes these women don't even know they are pregnant to begin with and then their cycle starts. We knew that it happened to me because I am monitored so closely. 

So, within 4 days, my world went from being to the highest point of my life to the lowest of low. I was defeated in a matter of days.

That song, "You Say" by Lauren Daigle is how I felt... 

"I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough, Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up. Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low...You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing, You say I am strong when I think I am weak..."

But then, the song continues...

 "...Taking all I have, and now I'm laying it at Your feet. You have every failure, God, You have every victory..."

All I have is my faith, which is all I need. I am worthy. I do deserve this. I will prevail and hopefully I am a beacon of light to those who are in my shoes. This journey is not easy and it is not for the weak, therefore I am strong. Moving forward is sometimes the hardest part, but I know God has bigger plans for us. 

The good out of all of this is that we know it is possible for me to get pregnant, which is something we thought was impossible, and that - that is a victory in my book.

We decided we were still going to go to Ohio to see my family, as I needed the visit. I needed my parents to hold me and let me cry. To see me and understand what is going on in my life. Their support in my life is absolutely needed and not being able to discuss any of this prior, was killing me. 

I cannot thank my husband, friends and family enough for keeping me grounded and keeping my head above water. No one can come up with the "right" words to say to make me feel better, but I promise, every single one of "my tribe" has tried their very best. I know that they all care very much about me. 

I couldn't imagine being like the rest of the IVF patients and paying upwards to 15-20k for one round and failing like I have. My heart goes out to you. We, however, are blessed to have more opportunities to complete our family, without creating financial hardship, and for that, I'm forever grateful.

Focus on the good.

~Jess

 

 

IVF Got this

Well,

Here we are, we are well underway with our IVF treatment. It's been a process, a process that the majority of people don't understand. It's also been a fight of advocating for myself. 

Hang in there, with me on this post. It's a bit of a rant, and may be all over the place...

Our clinic is in Spokane, Washington, which is 5 hours from where we live. Of course, I have lots of appointments, so I can't just drop everything and go to Spokane when I have an appointment. That being said, I have local appointments which consist of blood work and dates with "Wanda" at the ultrasound place. I also have to work with the VA for my medications. There are lots of folks involved in this process and even those folks don't understand. I've had to explain that my meds are timely, so don't mail them to me (over and over and over again). I've had to call labs and the imaging folks to ask where my "stat" results were, hours after the appointments. I've had to call insurance to remind them to work with the VA to cover my husband's semen analysis. It's been pretty messy, but what isn't when it comes to infertility? I've been doing this long enough. I've learned to expect people to not understand, therefore expect people to not live up to my expectations. Which, is dumb. A STAT lab should be faxed over STAT! Or, how about this...if an order is sent to a lab, for said stat lab, that they cannot fulfill, then why not contact the patient asap to let them know they need to go elsewhere? So why expect people to do their jobs? Because I've been let down too many times. 

Our clinic, on the other hand, has been amazing. They obviously deal with this stuff, regularly. They're even sensitive to feelings. Yes, feelings. Even without COVID, you cannot bring your kiddos to the appointments. This is in order to be sensitive to the women (and men) struggling with infertility, which is admirable. 

When I go to the ultrasound place, there are babies pictured everywhere and "welcome to motherhood" gift bags and teddy bears with heart beat boxes for patients that are pregnant. There's not a stuffed needle or embryo saying "good luck with IVF". Not that I would expect that, but hey, not every patient is in there celebrating a pregnancy. 

Admittedly, dealing with infertility has gotten better since the adoption of our son. Little M has helped me more than he, or anyone, could comprehend. However, about 6 months ago I started feeling guilty about him not having a sibling around. Something that I didn't have the ability to give him. Now that door is possibly opened and I'm hoping we get to walk through it, hand in hand. 

I still cry at pregnancy announcements, or hide posts on social media, because it just hurts too much to see. Although, very happy for that family, still wanting it for myself. I've described it before as a very strange, very hard feeling- of which I hate.

A punch to the gut, was just right before Christmas. I was wearing a hoodie and had stuffed a sippy cup in my front pocket. While in Walmart a woman asked M what he wanted for Christmas. Then she proceeded to ask him if he was wanting "a little brother or sister", while eyeballing me! I was taken back because, if you know me, I'm thin and I've NEVER had anyone assume I was pregnant. I didn't really know what to say and with some sass, I said, "maybe one day" and frantically walked away. I just couldn't believe what I had heard. It hurt.

So, I'm hanging in there.

I know I'm a bit all over with this post, but maybe I should update you about the process that we are undergoing. 

When beginning IVF I had a teleconference with my entire family about how it worked. They all live in Ohio and with us in Montana, my dad suggested we have a zoom meeting to better understand what we were about to undergo. Remember? Not many understand. 

The bloodwork and the monitoring began. I was told I had to start taking birth control for 3 weeks before I could even start my other medications. It's a funny thing, going to the pharmacy window asking for pre-natal vitamins and birth control. It's also an odd thing to be on birth control when you're trying to get pregnant. I had to take birth control in order to suppress my ovaries before starting my injections to stimulate my ovaries. The goal was to retrieve as many eggs as possible to create as many embryos as possible. By stimulating my ovaries, it forces my body to grow follicles in order to push those eggs out. The doctor would then go in and retrieve the eggs through a huge needle, piecing the vaginal wall. Fascinating, right?! haha.

In the meantime, I would have to travel to Spokane for another appointment to do an SIS. They basically go in and put saline in your uterus to see what they are working with....like you know, no polyps, cysts or surprises. They also needed to do a mock transfer, where they had to use a cathedar to figure out my curves and turns in order to prep for the transfer of the embryo. That sounded like a walk in the park. It was okay until they couldn't find my cervix. That was painful. A 10 minute procedure turned into 25 minutes. They started the SIS and then the cathedar came out and they had to put the speculum back in and re-do it. It wasn't the worst experience I have been through, but it wasn't the easiest, that's for sure. They had a field full of flowers taped to the ceiling with "stay strong" written on it. I just tried to imagine that I was in that place, and it helped. When I was finished with that, I had to go over injection training with the nurse, in some awkward conference room. I tried to comprehend what she was saying, but there were so much information.

The arrival of my other medications.... Wow. What a day. So. Many. Injections. It was terrifying, exciting, and a bit overwhelming. I bought a series of organizers and started figuring it all out. I have absolutely ZERO clinical background, which is weird because I work in a hospital- ha. That being said, I went over our injection training like fifty time. I watched video after video. I had so much anxiety. 

The first day of my injections, I thought I could do it on my own. I had done injections before, years ago, but those where in a pen that was more like a diabetic blood test needle. These. These were  syringes and I would have to MIX medication. I was a nervous wreck! I didn't want to mess something up, or worse, contaminate the needle. You know, because they really preach on making sure you use lots of alcohol pads and not touch things and so on and so forth. Once I got past all of that stuff, then I could pinch my (very little) skin and proceed with an injection into my stomach. Okay, I got this. Phew, yeah right. The first one I did, I about fainted. I had 2 to do that night. My husband laughed (I think he expected me to be tough, like I usually am). I cried, and then he understood that I was having a hard time. He volunteered to do the next one. I was petrified. If you know my husband, he often talks about how big his hands are and how he is ogre-like. Okay, so now I want Shrek to give me a shot? I'm obviously bothered by needles, but crap, I really have no option. So sure. I let him do it. We cried after, but it went great- the first day. After that, I mixed the meds, he "stabbed". One day, he stabbed me twice and almost immediately denied it. He then told me it bounced. We laughed. Then every day for over a week we did 2 shots, and every one of them seemed different. I had a panic attack once and cried a lot. The pain of the burn was too much sometimes. I didn't understand why I felt so much pain, when in my IVF groups these stims were such a breeze for people. Then, one day after a monitoring appointment, I got the call at 1 in the afternoon that I would have to add a third shot and I would have to do it NOW. My husband wasn't home. I was going to have to do this on my own. I was in full panic. After lots of heavy breathing or whatever, I finally just bucked up and did it. It was awful. The plunger was moving way too slow and I caught myself holding my breath. I did it though. Called my husband after to let him know I survived. That particular injection always had a bug bite reaction and I bruised from most of them. We went through 20 injections leading up to egg retrieval. We did 20 injections in 8 days. Always in my stomach, but alternating sides. I looked like a bruised up pin cushion. 

Then, egg retrieval day. My husband had to go in and do his part (he has it so easy!) while I waited outside with M. Then, I would have to go in and get prepped and ready to go. It was a science of EXACT timing. I sat in the car panicking because it was 7:50am and I was to be in there by 8am. What the heck was taking him so long?! He had been in there 20 minutes. When he came out he started laughing. Told me how the nurse that came to get him was probably the most burly man they could have found and how the room he went in was awkward. He could hear all of the nurses giggling and talking - I guess all of that killed the mood. HA! Then, I went in. Of course, COVID, so I had to go in by myself. I was really excited. I was super bloated and had even put on 10 pounds. I was feeling like a chicken and was ready to get those eggs out of there. The staff was incredibly kind and the Doctor was amazing. She came in and asked me what kind of music I liked, because she always plays music for her patience in the back when doing egg retrievals. I asked for country and the first song that played was "Big Big plans" which I thought was so fitting. The surgery for egg retrieval is like none I've ever had before. I walked into the room (not wheeled) and the room was very dark. I was told it was dark because the eggs are very sensitive to light (they're sensitive to smell too - so I didn't have any kinds of scent on me). Then there was a window in the room, that's where the embryologist was. The doctor would extract the eggs and then hand them to the embryologist through the window.  When I laid down on the table I had nurses all around me massaging my feet, arms, head, etc. The Doctor was holding my hand. The anesthesiologist was behind my head and he was reassuring me that this was going to be "like driving a Cadillac" and to not worry about a thing. I remember getting dizzy and then closing my eyes. Then I remember waking up. They came to tell me the report. I had 26 eggs retrieved! Pretty awesome number. I was to then go and get salty food, drink lots of Gatorade, and measure my belly for swelling. They were worried about my ovaries being over-stimulated and me getting OHSS. This is why we wouldn't/couldn't do a fresh transfer of embryos. I had to let my body come off of the medications and recover a bit before moving on to transfer. 

The next day we would find out how many mature eggs and how many eggs were fertilized. We got 16 mature and 8 fertilized. Now the waiting began...5 more days until we know how many embryos we would get! We got the call that out of the 8 fertilized, we got 2 "really good embryos" that made it to freeze! That was great news! We have the potential of having two children from those 2 embryos!

So when do we transfer the embryos? Will we do one or will we do two? 

Well, time will tell. We will only transfer one embryo at a time while the other one "stays on ice". 

So, for now, we wait. When the time is right, we will start prepping my body for pregnancy and then transfer the embryo. 

It's exciting, yet terrifying. I'm cautiously optimistic, because...I've been let down before. So, pray for us. Pray for a sticky baby and a healthy pregnancy. Pray for a positive mindset. Pray for my sanity, and maybe even more for my husband's sanity...because...my hormones are insane. 

IVF got this! :) 

-Jess