Another Step

I had an OB/GYN appointment last week.

I sat in the waiting room, for what seemed like an eternity. Since C was at work, I was alone.

One pregnant woman after another. If she wasn't pregnant, she was carrying a newborn. Talk about a battle...I just wanted to throw myself in the floor like a toddler and cry, however, I actually had a little bit of hope. I was ONE day late. Ha. Who am I kidding, right?

My name finally was called to head back to the doctor.

The doctor was great. He was thorough and answered almost all of my questions. What was really neat is that he used to have his own private practice where he did IUI (insemination) and other procedures that the military doesn't allow him to do (insurance purposes).

After hearing about my history, he immediately suggested IUI. I asked him a million and one questions about the procedure to include cost and success rates.

With my ex we never tried IUI. I just did the follistim shots and clomid to force ovulation (which I usually do on my own anyway...). Just another God-sent sign that I wasn't meant to have a child with him...

Anyway, back to cost. I was certain it was going to be rather expensive because that's what my fertility specialist back in Georgia (2012) told me. I was thinking thousands of dollars. To my surprise he told me it would be less than $300- although every practice is different.

He dug out my chart to include my husband's seaman analysis results. I had explained that we were told that his numbers were "off the charts" after his reversal. Well, apparently, not in all areas. WHAT?!  I was shocked to hear this. He went over it line by line with me. He told me that his sperm count was GREAT, but his forward motion was not where it needed to be. This just confirmed even more that we need to go ahead with the IUI.

I also told him that I was on day 31 of my 28-30 day cycle. Well, he asked about testing. I told him I didn't want to see another negative pregnancy test and he concurred. He understood what I meant and what I was going through emotionally! Holy cow! I've never had a doctor as sympathetic as he was.

I went on to ask him about the referral process and explained to him that we didn't have much more time in Missouri (a little over a month!). He suggested I called around to Montana OB/GYN clinics and ask about pricing/insurance coverage. He then told me to come back on day 3 of my cycle and again on day 21 to do blood work to make sure I am ovulating on my own. If I'm not ovulating on my own, he will give me an alternative to clomid (totally told him, NO to clomid!) to force the process.  In the mean time, I was instructed to continue using OPKs (ovulation predictor kits) and to get my husband to do another seamen analysis.

When I got home, I called around to the different OB/GYN clinics in Montana and finally got an answer AND was able to schedule an appointment! I couldn't be happier to feel like we are getting somewhere. I go in for my consult on the 3rd of March and hopefully we can get this IUI process moving.

The next day, still no period. I caved. I tested. Negative.

I waited until I was a whole week late. Tested. Negative. I was so angry. Maybe I'm that .01%? Ha. Who am I kidding? C had some hope...actually, he had a ton of hope. He was overjoyed with the thought of me being pregnant. I was trying to just keep my composure. He was the one that gave me hope. It was nice to see that he was so energetic and happy about the slight possibility of starting a family together...until the next morning.

I woke up hurting like no other. Of course. Mother Nature rears her ugly face on day 9 of being late. Thus, we start all over again.

Poor C, he gets so hopeful then boom. I see the hope in his eyes and in his heart, that it just kills me that my body isn't allowing our dream to come true. He has already named our son and is close to a full name for a daughter...he's so excited that he tears up about the thought of our dreams coming true.

Praying and hopeful for another step in the right direction.

~Jess