Chiropractor?

I've been in the Army over 3 years now and it's been pretty physically demanding, as you can imagine. I've been on many rucks (hikes) carrying heavy packs on my petite stature while wearing gear from head to toe, amongst other physical training activities.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but it definitely has always been rough on me-from the start. We all know that women's bodies/hips are built to have children, not carry a bunch of weight on our backs (although, that doesn't stop us!).

About a year ago, I finally, after MANY doctor appointments and physical therapy, found out that I had to have surgery on my hip. I had a labrum tear. I had the surgery and did the physical therapy, but to this day, it still bothers me. Recently, on top of that, I've been having issues with my neck and back. They told me that I had lost the natural curvature in my neck and sent me to physical therapy. The folks in physical therapy are amazing, but unfortunately the exercises did not improve my pain or mobility.  The next step was the chiropractor.

Chiropractor? Seriously? Yes.

My first visit he told me I was completely locked up from my head to my tail bone.  This included my hips being unlevel, my SI joint completely locked to the right, and a few (yes a few!) ribs out of place. What the heck?  He instructed me to come back weekly.

I did as he instructed. One visit, it dawned on me. Maybe I should ask about infertility. I felt funny about asking him about it, but I swore that I had seen something about the chiropractor helping a woman in one of the many blogs I've read, so I went for it. His immediate response was, "Yes, absolutely." He told me that my hips had been twisted pretty bad every time I had come into the office. He said my hips being twisted like that could restrict my reproductive organs. Wow. By him adjusting me, it may, in fact, help with conception!  He went on to explain that because of how "locked up" I was it would keep me in a constant "flight or fight" mode. As a result of that, I would not be able to sleep or cope with stress (that explains a lot!). In turn, this would make it hard for conception because, in theory, you want to be relaxed and not stressed, so your body can do the work.

He actually brought me a whole lot of relief, not only physically, but mentally as well. I was there right before ovulation this month for an adjustment and just went back yesterday (7 days past ovulation). He told me my hips had stayed level! That was good news. I mean, a few of my ribs on my upper half were out of place, but hey, I'd rather that be the case then my hips twisted up again! I'm sleeping better (the first time in MONTHS I can say that!) and my stress level hasn't been as high as it was!

Both C and I have hope this month, but we will see what God has in store for us. Everything happens in His time.

That's all for now. Enjoy your day and thank you for following!

Oh, and by the way, you never know what people are going through. If you think my blog will help someone please share. I'm writing my story to help others. The loneliness that I've felt before is not worth it and I wouldn't wish it upon my biggest enemy. You never know who you can help.

Love one another.

~Jess

Jealousy?

My last post was, more or less, just a really quick update.

In my next few posts, I plan to go into some details on the past 4 years.

As you can imagine, in 4 years I've seen countless baby announcements, births, and even held brand new babies.

Even after I started my divorce and wasn't trying to have a baby, the "pain" never subsided until just about a week ago. I call it pain, but, it was somehow a happy, yet sad pain.  I'm really not sure how to explain the emotion that I had. Don't get me wrong, I am, and was, so happy for all of my friends who have been building their families, but somewhere in the back of my mind was that....jealous feeling. Okay, so maybe the word is jealousy? I've never been a jealous person. I've been blessed with many things and people who love me, so to feel jealousy about someone else's happiness is just so...wrong.  I say that the pain has subsided, because I noticed, last week, that I had a peacefully happy mindset as I scrolled through the babies of Facebook. For the first time in over 6 years, I was extremely happy for these folks.

I always wondered if I'd have a baby or even a chance to have a family with someone following my divorce. So when I met C and heard about his vasectomy, the emotions that came with it were crazy.  Given that he has a child of his own, I found myself angry. Why could he have a child with her and not me? What did she do to deserve that? I found myself being uncontrollably jealous. Oh, how I hate that word!

It's always hard being a "step-parent", no matter the case, but it has taken a definite toll on me given my situation with fertility (side note- I have only been diagnosed with "unexplained infertility"). I give my all to a child that, in the end, isn't mine. I don't get to make decisions about her life, I have no say-so, and she isn't with us 100% of the time. Fortunately, my husband and I are an amazing team with raising J, and we make decisions together. We discipline as necessary and I am never left out of the decision making process, but still. J and I have a wonderful relationship and she knows that I have her back- no matter what. Heck, 9 times out of 10, she'll come to me before she goes to C with anything. I cherish our relationship and I'll always treat her as my own because at the end of the day, I married both of them.

J has come to me so many times asking me when she was going to become a big sister. She asks, almost weekly, "do you and daddy want a boy or a girl?", "what would you name your baby?". She is very anxious and very excited.  I spoil her and -usually- she gets what she wants, but a baby?!  One day she'll understand. It just breaks my heart that I can't be certain of when or if she'll get a sibling anytime soon. Her Christmas list this year, she wrote to Santa and asked him to "bring daddy and Jess a baby". Heart-wrenching.

Well, since I seemed to get off on a tangent,I'll wrap it up for now. Until next time.

~Jess

The Big "V" Bomb.

Well, it's been nearly 4 years since I've even touched or came back to this blog. How crazy is that?! Most of you reading this probably have no clue what's going on or why I have this blog.  I figured it was time for an update...

Where do I begin?! Whew! What a crazy last four years it has been.

The husband I refer to in the earlier posts is now my ex-husband. We had a pretty rough falling out, but we both understand that we are on two very different paths.  We tried for a couple years to have a family. Now we look back and see why we went through what we did with infertility and why we weren't getting what we wanted.

Everything happens for a reason. God's listening, but HE knows what is best.

I joined the Army back in August of 2013.

After my divorce was final I met an amazing man...

C told me right away that he had a daughter. That, obviously didn't phase me one bit and I agreed to another date.  About four weeks into dating, he dropped a huge bomb on me. He told me he had had a vasectomy done after his daughter was born (she was 6 at the time). He knew that I wanted children of my own and immediately brought the vasectomy to my attention. 

I took a chance.

You could imagine the feeling I had when he broke the news of the vasectomy. The lump in my throat and the way my stomach felt was an all too familiar feeling. That feeling of, what now?  At the time, I casually brushed it off and went on like it wasn't a big deal to me. After all, there's adoption, IVF, IUI, etc, right?

As time went by, our feelings grew stronger and stronger for one another. We talked through several different options when it came to our relationship.  He asked me time and time again if I was sure that I wanted to get serious with him, given the circumstances. He knew my dream was to become a mother, and after interacting with his daughter, he could see the spark in my eye for motherhood.  I think at one point he really considered letting me "go" because he didn't want to ruin my dream in life. I couldn't just walk away from him. I had real feelings for him. What kind of regret would I have had to live with if I did that?

I kept reassuring myself that I were going to become a mother one day, regardless. Adoption is always an option.

In August, C popped the question. It was amazing. Hot air balloon ride with everything thought out! Stunningly romantic (especially for a guy that's romantic once in a blue moon!).

Oh, I said yes, by the way!

Fast forward...April 2016, C called me with exciting news. He had been researching. Wait, what?! If you know anything about him, he doesn't research. I was excited to hear what he had to say. He explained that he had found a place with EXCELLENT ratings for reversal vasectomies. The hope and flutter I had in my heart was astounding. When he got home, we sat down and he showed me what he found.  We later did more research and set him up an appointment for May.

He had the reversal done in May and we were told we could start about 4 weeks later. He was also told that if we weren't pregnant before September that he needed to get a seaman analysis done.  September came and he did as instructed. His results were off the charts and well past where they were wanting it to be.

Oh, we got married in there somewhere, too... July 16, 2016.

So there's a shortened version of a quick 4 year update.

Still only one pink line, but more updates to come.

Oh and as a side note, all parties that I talk/talked about in my blog have given me permission, as I do realize this is pretty personal stuff :).  If you want to read my very first post and understand why I am doing this....here's a link. Enjoy!

~Jess