It's been a pretty rough couple of months.
I have been thinking about blogging, but having a house to unpack, C's little one for the summer, family emergencies, company from out of state, my mind has been all over the place, not to mention, I've just been downright busy!
Anyway, moving forward...
Well, the same day of the ultrasound we got a call that would forever change our lives. We had to make an emergency trip to Missouri ASAP. 21 hours straight drive to the hospital where C's dad was. He had only been sick with cancer for a little over a month. He was asking for us and we knew it was time to go. We got there and was able to spend some time with him. He was, and always was, in great spirits. It didn't matter what was going on, he always had us laughing. It was nearing the end of his life and we were heartbroken.
Sam (C's dad) was always asking us, monthly, if I was pregnant yet. He wanted nothing more then to have me carry his son's child. One of the very last questions he asked C and I was if I had "tested yet". It wasn't time for me to test, and with tears I told him that I was not pregnant. It devastated us that we had to tell him no.
That night I spoke to my doctor and told her what was going on. I was not going to do the IUI this month and that was okay. I was right where I needed and wanted to be. She told me that we could still administer the "trigger shot" (triggers ovulation) and have timed intercourse. She said we didn't have to do this, that we could just keep the trigger shot and use it next month. I spoke with my husband and I left the choice in his hands. He decided that we should just go ahead and do the shot and give it a try.
I was a nervous wreck. C had never administered a shot before and I wasn't able to do it myself (being that it had to be in my butt). It wasn't that I didn't trust him, but holy cow, I think I am a little afraid of needles. He did an excellent job.
The next day at 3pm my father-in-law went to be with the Lord. He was such a great man and we miss him daily.
We knew this cycle wouldn't work and wrote it off. It was okay. We were mourning and we still are.
Fast forward.
Our first IUI.
Well, this day was crazy.
I went in for my day 11 ultrasound to see where my follicles were measuring. They were at 19.5mm and on both sides! This was pretty intense for day 11 (previous cycle they were at 11mm). The meds were doing their thing and I was to ovulate early. It was the Friday before the 4th of July and no one was going to be in the office until Tuesday.
I, jokingly, invited them to my house to do the procedure, but the doctor went through our options. She said C could come give a sample right now and they could do the IUI that day or we could do timed intercourse. If we were to do the procedure, she needed me to take my trigger shot right then. My shot was 40 minutes away at my house. I called up C and asked what he'd like to do. He agreed to do it then, so I made the 80 minute trip to the house to get the shot. C administered it to me (excellent again, by the way) and on we went to the doctor office.
He gave his sample to the doctor and she, reluctantly told him it wasn't enough. At this time the clock was ticking. We went to lunch and then he gave another and it was sufficient (gross, I know). She had to "wash the sperm", which took about 30 minutes, before she could do the procedure. We sat in the waiting room a while, but then it was beginning to get close to when C's daughter needed to be picked up from her summer camp. As bad as I wanted him there, I told him to go get her, that I would be okay. He did.
I was almost called back immediately after C left. I was a nervous wreck with a million-and-one questions going through my head. I was worried about how uncomfortable I would be and everything else under the sun.
She told me before the procedure that there was a possibility of fertilizing two, one, or none of the eggs. I told her I understood and, unfortunately, I know that nothing with fertility is a guarantee. She did the IUI and it was very painful that I had tears in my eyes. I was expecting it to be much like the HSG test that I took, so I was prepared, but still. My OB was having a war with my cervix and I was praying that it was worth it.
She told me she was putting the sperm at the very top of my uterus so it could have a chance. She told me that I should be ovulating soon and to have timed intercourse the next couple of days. This was very backwards from your typical IUI due to office hours (go figure). We were all very optimistic. I called C when I left and told him about the procedure. He was sorry that he couldn't be there, but it was okay. I got through it. Nothing like trying to conceive, but your husband is miles away hahaha!
Anyway, she prescribed progesterone to me to take for the rest of the cycle. That stuff is not cool. It gave me crazy symptoms and made me super tired. I broke out in acne on my jawline that I had never had before and both C and I were pregnancy symptom spotting. We were completely fooled. It was the progesterone making my body do some crazy things.
I tested at 15 days past iui (15dpiui) and it was negative. Good ol' aunt flow should be on her way soon. Sure enough, the next day she showed her ugly face.
Of course, all of the emotions come barreling in and I just can't seem to understand why or how people can just get pregnant so easily and quickly. God must be using me for something.
I am currently 6 days in and already taking my letrozole again. My ultrasound is scheduled, so here's to round two.
Remember, always be kind to those around you. Everyone has their own battles.
In Memory of Samuel Lee Evans. He will forever be in my heart. Hopefully soon, we can give you your grandbaby, Sam. <3.
~Jess
