Approved!

 Just 3 months ago, I blogged to update everyone.

At the end of that blog, I said – “Possibly IVF. Possibly another adoption…only time will tell”. Well, here we are, and time has told us!

As most of you know, I served in the Army for 5 years and as most of you know, I have had this ongoing battle with infertility. With that being said, I have been identified as being “service connected” for my PCOS along with a few other things that have been linked to me not being able to have children. What does that mean? It means the Veteran’s Benefit Administration has found that being in the Army has directly impacted me to the point of having some issues reproducing. Okay…so what does that mean? That means, the VA has recognized that it is/could be the military’s fault for contributing to my infertility, therefore they will pay for treatments for me to have children.

Towards the end of June, I received the notice that my infertility was service connected. Immediately, when my GYN found out, he, along with the MT VA Women’s Health staff submitted a packet to National VA for my husband and I to receive IVF treatment. This was huge. This meant I could possibly be approved for a round of IVF that would be completely covered by insurance. IVF is the one procedure I’ve had my eyes on for a long time, but unfortunately could never afford it, considering the risk of the procedure and it not working the first time.  I wasn’t super hopeful. I knew the chances of us getting approved for IVF was next to impossible, as there had only been one Veteran (male) that had been approved in Montana – ever.

Weeks went by and my hopes were dwindling. My doctor reassured me that we had a wonderful case and he was super optimistic. The women’s health coordinator was also very hopeful, but it didn’t keep me from building my wall to protect myself.

Then, out of nowhere, I get a call.  It’s a number that I didn’t recognize, so I let it go to voicemail. I then see it ring again, same number. It’s Friday at 5pm, who could it possibly be? I’m in a store and I really do not want to answer while juggling a toddler, but I do. Maybe it’s important? The lady on the other end starts talking and my son starts screaming. At first, I couldn’t really understand what she was saying over the screams of my toddler, so she repeats what she says. She is calling form the Montana VA (remember, it’s Friday and past closing time at this point). She tells me she is calling me before she goes on vacation next week to let me know that National has approved my IVF packet! I am in instant tears. She then says, it’s THREE rounds over my lifetime. THREE!  I cannot believe what I am hearing. I am so thankful for this nurse who stayed longer on a Friday so she could tell me the good news as soon as possible. I was just in awe.

After hearing the news, I knew I needed to do something special to tell my husband. The night before we were talking about an article I had read. It was about elephants and how they are amazing mothers who wait long periods of time before meeting their young. I had told him that must be the reason I really like elephants. So, I start looking around to see if I could find anything elephant-like. I find a card with an elephant on it and an elephant figurine. Perfect! I then get in my car and immediately call my GYN. I have his personal number because he is my boss (ha). He thought I had butt-dialed him by mistake and didn’t pick up. Remember, it’s Friday evening. He then called me back and we celebrated over the phone! He told me to stop my medication immediately (which was nice – I was on day 1 of my cycle). I drove to my husband’s work and asked him to come to the parking lot. I gave him the elephant and the card with “I love you no matter how many we add to our tribe, we are approved for IVF!” on the inside. He was in tears now too. We would never imagine the VA stepping in and taking care of us like this…covering 3 IVF treatments. That’s nearly $45-60k, of which we do not have.  What a blessing.

I cannot thank my VSO with the VBA and the MT Women’s Health team at the MT VA enough for their hard work on getting us the approval we need to grow our family. I am happy to say that I am the second Veteran (FIRST female), in the state of Montana to ever be approved for IVF. We are anxious and nervous, but very excited to get the ball rolling! Our treatment will be in Spokane, Washington with Seattle Reproductive Medicine.

Here’s to the much-needed good news and hope for a brother or sister for our little man.

With love,

Jess

Still struggling...

I remember building this blog to help other women and I guess have since stopped blogging. I felt as if I had reached my personal goal of having a child, therefore, women would look at this in…spite?  My fear of jealousy from those who had been in my shoes took me away from this blog. However, I have realized that I’m still on this journey and I've been called to be real and raw. So here I am. I'm back...

Although I have the most beautiful little boy in the entire world, the truth is, I still struggle. I struggle with not biologically being able to carry a child. I don’t struggle near as much as I did in the past, but here we are. M is 2 now and we are wanting him to have a little brother or sister.

So, let’s back up a bit and jump into this thing feet first…

When I was on active duty in the Army, I tore my labrum on my left hip and had surgery in 2016 to repair it. After the surgery was performed, I was told I would probably tear it again. 

In 2018 the doctor did an MRI on my hip to check for tears, as I was experiencing some pain and figured I had just torn it again. The MRI results came in and I had a 2cm cyst on/near my left ovary. After a lot of back and forth on whether the cyst was dangerous or not and a ton of lab work later, I asked to be referred elsewhere. The next doctor took one look and said that the cyst needed to be removed.

October 2018, I had the surgery to remove the cyst. I had been told it was 2cm, however, it was about twice the size they had originally anticipated. I had also lost a lot of blood and was having a really hard time coming off anesthesia. I remember, vaguely, waking up to a sternum rub. I had apparently passed out in the middle of a sentence. The entire thing was rough. At my follow up appointment, I was told that I “possibly had PCOS”, and I have endometriosis. She told me my ovaries were 3 times the size of normal ovaries and wanted to monitor me.

Fast forward…

January/February 2020…

I started seeing a new OB/GYN. He is absolutely incredible, and I mean that from the depths of my sole. I wish I could have been seeing him for the entire eleven years that I have been doing this. We started doing the work up from square one and he started me on femara for ovulation purposes and sent me with instructions for timed intercourse. He did confirm that I have PCOS from lab work and prescribed me metformin along with progesterone to help with my endometriosis.

In the meantime, I had another MRI done on my hip due to excruciating pain on that left side…again. I thought for sure I had torn my hip. I had even been doing physical therapy, as recommended. The MRI results came back, and would you take a look- another cyst on that same side (but no tear!). 

My OB looked at my MRI results and couldn’t believe it. This thing was 7.6cm long…SEVEN…almost 8. What. He told me he likes to operate at 8-9cm and was suggesting we operate sooner than later. However, our friend COVID-19 had shown up and they were only doing absolute emergent cases only. He ordered ultrasounds. Both external, and intervaginal. Talk about painful. We found that the cyst wasn’t cancerous as far as they could tell. I was told that we would continue to monitor to make sure it wasn’t growing. He thought the cyst may have shown up due to the ovulation medications.

Over the next month or two I started feeling some cramping on that left side, however one night I had cramps that would come and go and last 15-30 seconds at a time that would completely take my breath away. I thought it was maybe trying to burst, but figured it was time to tell my doctor. He told me to give it 24 hours and see how I felt. That night, the same thing happened, except even more pain. I came into work and called my doctor- he instructed me to not eat or drink anything, he was taking me to surgery that same day. He was worried about my ovary twisting and cutting off blood supply, which, in turn is very dangerous. 

He took me to surgery, and it lasted longer than anticipated. With COVID19 measures in place, my husband wasn’t allowed to come back with me, nor was he able to be there when I woke up. I couldn’t imagine how freaked out he was, or how my family was feeling for that matter. Dr. M even left the hospital and went to my husband’s truck in the parking lot to give him the update on my condition.

Before the surgery he had told us that he would call my husband if he thought he had to remove anything, however, he had to remove my fallopian tube- without question. My left fallopian tube was the mass that was indicated on my MRI along with 3 other cysts. I had one on my ovary, one on my fallopian tube, and one in my fallopian tube. The tube was extremely matted, and it was attaching itself to my pelvic wall and my large intestine. It was beginning to twist, therefore causing me pain and starting to cut off blood flow. Also, it was impinging on my sciatic nerve, which would explain the numbness. My ovary was also engulfed by my tube, but he was able to save it. He ran the blue dye through my tubes during the surgery to check function, and the left one wouldn’t even drip out. My right one was fine. The bad tube looked like a mangled potato that had bumps all over it. The bumps were caused by my endometriosis with the blood spilling out of my tubes from menstruation. It didn’t even look like a tube. It was gnarly (I saw pictures). He told me that it had been like that for years. I bet you could imagine how upset I was, that 2 years ago, those folks didn’t say a word or blink an eye. They didn’t even run dye through my tubes, knowing I was trying to conceive. Furthermore, Dr. M told me that I needed to pursue genetic testing because my “insides were stretchy”.  Someone who has this certain genetic condition can have trouble embedding a fertilized egg, therefore will struggle with infertility. If all of that wasn’t enough…I also have a very soft uterus. A uterus is a muscle; therefore, it should be firm and feel more like a chin...mine feels like the tip of your nose. My uterus is shaped differently with a slight indent, causing more surface area to bleed from with my endometriosis as well as a new diagnosis of adenomyosis. The things that will help with all of that is a hysterectomy, but that’s not an option right now. The list of stuff that is against me is way longer than the list that I have in my favor. 

My “unexplained infertility” has been debunked.

Deep breath. That’s a lot.

That’s a lot of answers to questions I’ve had for a very long time. That’s a lot of answers I didn’t want to hear. I feel broken. I feel like a failure in my own world. I only want a fix. I developed this way; I don’t get to have a fix. We can try, but there’s no guarantee. He did say that without that crazy fallopian tube in there, my odds increased for conception. There’s hope, but it didn’t and still doesn’t keep me from breaking down and crying. I’ve lost something of mine that I thought was going to help make a baby. I know that I’m better without it, but it doesn’t hurt any less. With every item that comes up that’s “not in my favor” makes me cringe and causes me to burry my head in the sand even further. 

So…moving forward. 

Ovulation drugs (because, well-PCOS) and timed intercourse for now. Possibly IVF, possibly another adoption. 

Only time will tell…

~Jess

The Adoption Part 1

It's been several months since I have updated this thing (yet again), and to be honest, it's been a whirlwind! Wow!

So, my last blog post I talked about our decision to ditch the fertility treatments and move towards adoption. Well, let me begin where I left off...

After discussing adoption with our families, we announced to Facebook land that we were "hoping" to adopt at the beginning of September. After not being able to achieve a positive pregnancy month after month and year after year, we knew it was time to turn to God and go down the path that He directed us. Knowing that it could possibly be years before we were even selected for an infant, we still were very excited to announce the news that we had started this amazing, yet very fearful process.

September was full of paperwork, finance reviews, doctor appointments, home visits, extensive background checks, hours of required reading and videos. It was full of questions like, How will we pay for this? How long will this take? What else can we do to speed this along? It was full of emotion, doubt, happiness, excitement, and frustration.  It was a month of literally trying to get a license to be a parent. It was stressful, to say the least. We were "paper pregnant" and just sitting back waiting to be told what to do next and who to go see for the adoption agency to move forward on our case.

October came around and we were still in the ever so lengthy process of just getting on a list to adopt. It was an emotional roller coaster, but we still had the excitement of possibly adopting a little one!

Then there were tears...

I can still remember where I was and what I was doing when the morning of October 29th came around. I say the 29th because that's when I finally saw the message. She had sent it on the 28th, but C and I were out of the service area camping in the mountains and hunting for elk. I am sure she squirmed in her seat for those 24 hours that passed without me answering because I totally would have!

When my phone alerted me of a message, I was sitting in the backseat of a friends truck. My husband in the passenger seat and our friend in the drivers seat. I was staring at a herd of ~150 elk that were on private property. I was wearing my camouflage and orange sweatshirt, holding a 30-06 rifle, hoping that they'd cross the property lines onto state so we could put some meat in the freezer. Okay, so what, you say. That message was that important that I remember it with that much detail.

It was a childhood friend of mine that reached out to us. The first few sentences brought tears to my eyes. She was like an angel that had been sent to me from Heaven. I just couldn't believe that she reached out to me. I read it silently then handed the phone to my husband. He read it and looked back at me and said, "wow".  A few minutes went by until my husband said anything else. He turned to his friend and said, "someone wants us to adopt their baby". I don't remember what else was said, I just know that there were some tears involved and we couldn't stop talking about the possibilities.

She was seven months pregnant when she reached out to us. Her baby was due January 11th. Holy cow!  I don't exactly remember what I said, but I sent her a message back telling her that we would like to discuss things and get back to her. She understood. Just because we were ready to adopt didn't mean that we didn't have things to discuss as a couple, especially since now we would personally know the birth mother - this would throw some challenges our way. We couldn't even concentrate on our hunt that day. We were both so excited, my husband more so than me. I could tell I had my guard up, as I didn't want to be hurt again. 

We went home that night and just talked. We talked and talked and talked. We didn't talk about anything other than this unborn child. She knew the gender, but we elected not to know until we decided on what we should/could do.  We prayed that night, asking for wisdom and guidance. It took us maybe 24 hours to come to the conclusion of, yes, we will adopt this child.

I honestly don't remember how S, my friend, and my conversations went from there, I just know we had to get the ball rolling and rolling quickly.

My dream of a lifetime was trying to come true. As a whole, we were over the moon with excitement. However, I, personally, was still somewhat reluctant because I was afraid. Afraid of being hurt and heart broken like the many times before.

The next work day C immediately started doing more research and contacting attorneys in Montana and Ohio. This now would become an interstate private adoption, as it would cut out the agency's search and the baby would be born in Ohio with us living in Montana. There were many things left to accomplish, but by being persistence enough, it would hopefully kick things into a higher gear. The agency that we were working with couldn't believe our news, but they really started to move quicker on things. We got our home-study finalized and most of our fingerprints/background searches back. (We were both military so they needed one for every state that we had lived in since we were 18! It ended up being like 15 states total...).

Nearly every attorney in Ohio that C reached out to refused to do an interstate adoption, the last on the list was our last hope and she agreed to take on the challenge!  Moving on to Montana, we ran in to the same thing! We finally found one that would help us, but she was reluctant. It was nerve wracking! We had now hired 2 lawyers and an agency to help us in this just to find out that we needed one more lawyer. We were to pay for the birth mother and father's lawyer. That's three lawyers and an agency. That's four entities that we were financially responsible for. FOUR.

We quickly came to realize that this would be a very expensive process, which we knew, but didn't really know. We were panicking. No idea where we would get this money from or how. Sure, we both had full time jobs, but we don't make enough to fork out that amount of cash in such little time. (If it had been over a longer period of time, like we were expecting, we could have handled it; but babies don't wait for us to be financially stable!). I, being the "finance manager", as my husband says, crunched some numbers and finally decided that we needed to ask for some help. We aren't the type to ask for help, but in order to get this thing done we had to at least reach out and try.  Boy, was that hard to do. It did a number to our pride, but it takes a village, right? We not only needed help on those expenses, but now, travel expenses. How will we get across the country to pick the baby up? Or stay in a hotel? I kept reassuring C (and myself) that this stupid money thing would just be a drop in a bucket once we were holding our baby. My mom mentioned setting up a GoFundMe account and soon thereafter did. We had a great turn out of many friends and family who donated! It really helped and we were (and still are) very grateful!

Of course the, "what if she changes her mind?" question came up many many times. Not only between C and I, but it came from our family and friends. It was something we ran by our lawyers. Even after the money is forked out, she still had, by law, 72, seventy two hours to change her mind after the baby was born; that's THREE DAYS. The money would not be refunded and we would be empty handed and probably in debt. It was a risk we had to take, however, what helped me the most is S bringing up this situation. She had told me more than once that she wasn't changing her mind. The baby was to go home with us. It was helpful to hear her tell us that, but it's always a thought that lingers in the back of your mind. She had told us to go ahead and get the nursery ready. We hadn't purchased anything but one outfit. It was a gender neutral outfit that I had bought when we decided on adoption. It was time to find out the baby's gender and it was time to hustle on getting prepared for this baby!

We requested S to send us a sealed envelope of the baby's gender so we could do a gender reveal. My husband kept telling people that he wanted to do this just as if I were pregnant. He knew how important this was to me and wanted it to be just as special. Out of respect of S and so many of our mutual friends, we hadn't really told anyone that we had found a baby. Our closest of friends and family were the only ones that knew anything. I made up a special group for our gender reveal and made sure we did a live feed of the event. So, with the help of our friend (the very first one to know anything) we had an explosive target set up with blue or pink colored powder inside to shoot at. My husband took out his rifle and went to work. We were so incredibly nervous. With C already having a daughter, we were secretly hoping for a boy, but we would be happy either way! Boom. The first round was shot. No explosion, but he nicked the bag of powder (thank goodness! to his defense, his rifle wasn't zeroed in at 100 yards hahaha) and a blue cloud appeared!! We were overjoyed! We both cried, hugged each other, jumped for joy, and smiled the biggest smile of happiness. We were getting a little BOY! Malachi Samuel. 

To be continued...

Click for Our video announcement.....

Decisions, Decisions...

If you are here you have seen that my blog has a new look!!

We made a HUGE decision since our last failed IUI.

I had the story about the failed IUI in the "draft" for quite some time and even now that it's published, it isn't really finished. My heart was broken to the point of not even wanting to talk about it anymore. It was weighing on my marriage, as infertility does, so I took a pretty long break from my blog (as you know), but now we have even better news to share!

We decided to adopt a child.  Yes, adopt.

We prayed about this decision for a while. We had even starting talking about adopting a couple years ago when we started thinking about growing our family. It was something that we both were on the same page about then, and as we grew more serious about it, nothing had -really- changed. C took a little longer than I did to become completely serious about it, but in a week he was on board 110%. As a couple, to be on the same page about a huge decision like this, was amazing. It's a big deal. 

I have been asked by some friends, "how did you know that adoption was right for you?".  Well, I don't know how to answer that question other then by saying, "it's a God thing". It wasn't a decision made as a last resort. It was a decision that we felt at peace with and felt as if this were the right thing to do. As everyone knows, this world is growing more wicked as the day passes. Our biggest statement to folks has been, "why not save a child instead of add a child to this chaotic world - there are so many out there that just need to be helped". 

Now, a lot of people who decide to adopt sometimes choose overseas children. I think that is great, but for C and I, this wasn't what we wanted. I guess you can call us patriotic in a sense? We are both Veterans, so that's accurate... ;). Our thoughts were to adopt a child from America and in Montana (where we live). Why Montana? Well, to be honest, it's cheaper for one, but for two, what if it needed to be an open adoption?

We soon began exploring all of the adoption language and trying our best to understand the pros and the cons to open, semi-open, and closed adoptions. What about race? What about disabled children? What about older children? Infants? The list goes on and on.

We started talking to a local adoption agency and started the process.

We were scared, but yet so excited. Scared because what if, by some random off-chance, we couldn't adopt. Scared because, there are so many unknowns. Scared because, what if we are that one story where the birth mom changes her mind when the baby is born or what if we sit on a waiting list for years. Scared because, well, adoption can be down-right scary, especially if you haven't done it before or even know where to begin. Or how about money...adoption is expensive. 

Regardless, we rolled with the what-ifs and began the journey anyway knowing that all of these questions and concerns would be worth all the fret, worry, and stress....

To be continued... ;)

-Jess

Remember, there are so many out there that have been through and are going through unexplained infertility and now adoption. If there is just one person I can help with our story, I would be glad. Please share, if you so see fit. Always be kind.

Go fund me account for our adoption

Baby Registry

Round 2. 0-2

You read that correct. 0-2.

The second round of IUI...

I haven't been the best with keeping up my blog. For some reason, I have to be in the right mood to write. I believe it's because most of the time, it's hard on me. I don't write these for me though. I write these for my readers. Mainly, for the ones that may be struggling too.

On that note...

Back to our second round of IUI.

All the stars lined up perfectly for our second round. I had one giant follicule and we were able to time the trigger shot and IUI perfectly. C was able to give the sample and he was even able to be there with me this time. The procedure went good, just uncomfortable, like the last, but that was to be expected.

We left the doctor's office thrilled to death. Literally, scientifically, everything was perfect.

The two week wait. Anyone that knows about the two week wait, knows that it is the worst. When I say the worst, I mean the worst! It isn't the worst physically, however, it is the worst mental game that you can ever play with your body. You think you have a pregnancy symptom, but really, it's just whatever-in-the-crap is actually happening inside your very complex reproductive system.

The two week wait came and left...mother nature did her thing and we were highly disappointed.

Here's To Round Two

Well, I haven't published a blog in a couple cycles.

It's been a pretty rough couple of months.

I have been thinking about blogging, but having a house to unpack, C's little one for the summer, family emergencies, company from out of state, my mind has been all over the place, not to mention, I've just been downright busy!

Anyway, moving forward...

I We were supposed to have our first IUI the beginning part of June. I had started taking the letrozole and I had picked up the trigger shot to start the process. I had scheduled the intra-vaginal (gross) ultrasound and had all of my ducks in a row.  I went to my day 11 ultrasound to find out that my follicles were measuring "right on schedule". Perfect. We would set up another ultrasound and the IUI in the next couple of days.

Well, the same day of the ultrasound we got a call that would forever change our lives. We had to make an emergency trip to Missouri ASAP. 21 hours straight drive to the hospital where C's dad was. He had only been sick with cancer for a little over a month. He was asking for us and we knew it was time to go. We got there and was able to spend some time with him. He was, and always was, in great spirits. It didn't matter what was going on, he always had us laughing. It was nearing the end of his life and we were heartbroken.

Sam (C's dad) was always asking us, monthly, if I was pregnant yet. He wanted nothing more then to have me carry his son's child. One of the very last questions he asked C and I was if I had "tested yet". It wasn't time for me to test, and with tears I told him that I was not pregnant. It devastated us that we had to tell him no.

That night I spoke to my doctor and told her what was going on. I was not going to do the IUI this month and that was okay. I was right where I needed and wanted to be. She told me that we could still administer the "trigger shot" (triggers ovulation) and have timed intercourse. She said we didn't have to do this, that we could just keep the trigger shot and use it next month. I spoke with my husband and I left the choice in his hands. He decided that we should just go ahead and do the shot and give it a try.

I was a nervous wreck. C had never administered a shot before and I wasn't able to do it myself (being that it had to be in my butt). It wasn't that I didn't trust him, but holy cow, I think I am a little afraid of needles. He did an excellent job.

The next day at 3pm my father-in-law went to be with the Lord. He was such a great man and we miss him daily.

We knew this cycle wouldn't work and wrote it off. It was okay. We were mourning and we still are.

Fast forward. 

Our first IUI.

Well, this day was crazy.

I went in for my day 11 ultrasound to see where my follicles were measuring. They were at 19.5mm and on both sides! This was pretty intense for day 11 (previous cycle they were at 11mm). The meds were doing their thing and I was to ovulate early. It was the Friday before the 4th of July and no one was going to be in the office until Tuesday.

I, jokingly, invited them to my house to do the procedure, but the doctor went through our options. She said C could come give a sample right now and they could do the IUI that day or we could do timed intercourse. If we were to do the procedure, she needed me to take my trigger shot right then. My shot was 40 minutes away at my house. I called up C and asked what he'd like to do. He agreed to do it then, so I made the 80 minute trip to the house to get the shot. C administered it to me (excellent again, by the way) and on we went to the doctor office.

He gave his sample to the doctor and she, reluctantly told him it wasn't enough. At this time the clock was ticking. We went to lunch and then he gave another and it was sufficient (gross, I know). She had to "wash the sperm", which took about 30 minutes, before she could do the procedure. We sat in the waiting room a while, but then it was beginning to get close to when C's daughter needed to be picked up from her summer camp. As bad as I wanted him there, I told him to go get her, that I would be okay. He did.

I was almost called back immediately after C left.  I was a nervous wreck with a million-and-one questions going through my head. I was worried about how uncomfortable I would be and everything else under the sun.

She told me before the procedure that there was a possibility of fertilizing two, one, or none of the eggs. I told her I understood and, unfortunately, I know that nothing with fertility is a guarantee. She did the IUI and it was very painful that I had tears in my eyes. I was expecting it to be much like the HSG test that I took, so I was prepared, but still. My OB was having a war with my cervix and I was praying that it was worth it.

She told me she was putting the sperm at the very top of my uterus so it could have a chance. She told me that I should be ovulating soon and to have timed intercourse the next couple of days. This was very backwards from your typical IUI due to office hours (go figure). We were all very optimistic. I called C when I left and told him about the procedure. He was sorry that he couldn't be there, but it was okay. I got through it. Nothing like trying to conceive, but your husband is miles away hahaha!

Anyway, she prescribed progesterone to me to take for the rest of the cycle. That stuff is not cool. It gave me crazy symptoms and made me super tired. I broke out in acne on my jawline that I had never had before and both C and I were pregnancy symptom spotting. We were completely fooled. It was the progesterone making my body do some crazy things.

I tested at 15 days past iui (15dpiui) and it was negative. Good ol' aunt flow should be on her way soon. Sure enough, the next day she showed her ugly face.

Of course, all of the emotions come barreling in and I just can't seem to understand why or how people can just get pregnant so easily and quickly. God must be using me for something.

I am currently 6 days in and already taking my letrozole again. My ultrasound is scheduled, so here's to round two.

Remember, always be kind to those around you. Everyone has their own battles.

In Memory of Samuel Lee Evans. He will forever be in my heart. Hopefully soon, we can give you your grandbaby, Sam. <3.

~Jess

IUI or Bust!

There has been a couple things happen since the last time I posted.

Originally we had plans to get work ups done to go to Seattle, Washington to do IVF. We started the workups and even got the results;  I have plenty of eggs left in my lifetime and all levels are normal. We started contemplating on what we should do or if we should wait a while before actually doing the IVF procedure.

We had many real discussions about the different options we had to include using donor sperm in an IUI procedure. Since C's last seaman analysis that was done when we were in Missouri (4 months ago), the reversal vasectomy didn't seem to have worked. Now, that's not an easy topic to talk about, but it is real nonetheless. We were looking for options. Less expensive options. You see, we are in the middle of purchasing a home. A home for a child to grow up in, but we have to make a list of priorities and build a bit of a foundation first. $10k-$12k is a lot of money to give for a procedure right now that isn't guaranteed. That kind of money on a chance. I am not a gambler by any means, and the chances I've taken over the past 8 years to have a child isn't really in my favor...


We expressed our situation and our thoughts to my doctor and she asked C to do another seaman analysis just for the heck of it. She wanted to see where his counts were before we made any rash decisions to put this off or go in a direction that maybe we didn't want to go.

He did the test and after what seemed like a lifetime of waiting, the doctor called me. She went over his counts line by line. She told me what he had then she told me what the minimum was. He was winning in all categories. When she got to the mobility (the one category we were afraid of) my heart skipped a beat. She said he was above the minimum by 17%. They want 40% mobility and he is at 57%! I immediately stopped her and asked her if it was possible and she said yes!! The next number she got to was some fancy terminology for the sperm fighting off each other...she said he had some of that going on, but not much. She thought it was a possibility that he had an infection that never healed from his reversal causing that and prescribed him some antibiotics.

We went over all of the numbers on his SA and then began speaking next step! She said that we could do IUI instead of IVF! How amazing! This was music to my ears. I had told her that I had only had three rounds of clomid and follistim in the past, so I was in the clear to do more (they only want you to do up to 12 maximum rounds in your lifetime). She first proposed the idea of doing 3 rounds of timed intercourse while I used ovulation drugs (remember, I ovulate on my own, so these drugs make me psych-o!). I told her I needed to speak with C and that I really didn't think he had the patients to mess around with "timed intercourse". She then proposed the idea of just one round of timed intercourse and then we would do IUI. I agreed. She prescribed me letrozole (alternate to Clomid for growing up follicles for eggs) and Ovidrel (trigger/HCG for releasing eggs/ovulating).

I am to start my letrozole the third day of my cycle (today!) and make an appointment for an intra-uterine ultrasound on day 11/12 so they can check to see how many follicles my body is growing. If there are too many, they will cancel timed intercourse for my safety (don't think my body can take more than 3 babies inside). We will perform timed intercourse this cycle, but next cycle we will do IUI! We are both very excited to begin this process (and to save money!).

Please send all of the baby dust our way! <3

~Jess